Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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