DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize