oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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