I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
