I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
