We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
