first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
