at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
