he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
