i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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