I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
