My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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