Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize