She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
