Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
