OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize