I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
