tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
