so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
