Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I intend to get homeless drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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