please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
