Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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