i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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