It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
