I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
