i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
