We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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