Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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