new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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