I can't breathe out the right side of my face
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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