Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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