so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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