I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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