Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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