i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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