Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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