She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
