So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize