your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
