the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
