We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
