I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
