the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
