his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
