why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
