Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
