well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
