It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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