I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
