Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
