i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
