yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
