shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
