This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
