I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
