I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
