you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
