I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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