I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize