Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Found your dick twin last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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