I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
