Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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