well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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