Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
