please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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