is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
