Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The air was thick with penises
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
