she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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