he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
