I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
