You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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