You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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