I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
