I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
