Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
