I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
