i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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