this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
