Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
