you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
