here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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