Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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