there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
