im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
