she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
