OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
