He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
