I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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