She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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