I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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