Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
