Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
