just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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