I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had to cum in my sink.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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