i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
