Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize