I think I won the penis lottery.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My penis needs a shock collar
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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