I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
