the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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