I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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