Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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