he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
