im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
