i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
