Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I supernannyed him into submission
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
