Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
