had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
