I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
