You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
